Lots of parents that suspect their young person has neurodiversity ask us for our opinion on whether they should seek a diagnosis for their own child, and if it’s confirmed, whether or not they should actually tell their child.
And whilst I can’t tell you what to do, I can share our own story and allow you to draw your own conclusions as to what is right for your own family.
My wife Claire and I were initially, REALLY hesitant to get a diagnosis for our 11-year-old daughter Jade. You see, we were really worried that if ADHD was confirmed, it would be a label for the rest of her life and that it would tell her that there was something wrong with her, when we knew she was an amazing girl with incredible potential, and just needed the right understanding and support. I suppose we didn’t want her to grow up thinking she had a ‘disorder’ which sounded like an illness and might sow the seed that she was limited or held back or handicapped in some way.
And when we did eventually decide to get her assessed and got a confirmed ADHD diagnosis, we actually chose not to tell her for a year or so for the same reasons. But when things really went downhill for her, and we saw she was really struggling with her mental health, we felt that we just had to tell her, so she had some explanation and understanding of why she was struggling so much.
When we did, she actually told us that she’d self-diagnosed on the internet about a year earlier and was absolutely sure she was ADHD, but felt a HUGE RELIEF to have this officially confirmed, as it really helped her understand herself and why things had been so hard over the last few years
….So with our younger daughter, Amy, we were much more open and told her about her ADHD and autism diagnosis as soon as we got it. We acknowledged how she’d find certain things more difficult than her classmates.
But, CRUCIALLY, we celebrated it and made sure she understood her neurodiversity also gave her superpowers that other children just don’t have. Things like her amazing hyperfocus, her wonderful crazy ideas, and her boundless energy and determination to pursue them which are an incredible gifting.
So I hope our story has given you some food-for-thought on whether to seek a diagnosis, and if neurodiversity is confirmed, about how to approach your child about it.
Written by Joel Sutton (Co-founder at Youth Mental Health Foundation)
Please visit our website for loads of free resources to better support a child or young person struggling with emotions, behaviour, or mental health: www.YouthMentalHealthFoundation.org